Witnessing a loss of life is quite a nerve-wracking experience for most people, especially when people around you are the ones in question. But, when there is a loss of life or lives without it being a tragedy or accident but by suicide, it simply is unbearable and affects us on many levels. Hence, I've decided to touch upon this issue and do my best to help you cope in the best way possible, if you ever have to handle such an experience.
Me, myself and my true self
The first aspect that I want to focus on is our different personas. The first ME that I refer to is our public persona. The MYSELF is our persona when we're by ourselves and the MY true self is that true unfiltered and real self. The first step is to be aware and accept that we behave differently in each setting. It's of utmost importance to accept and acknowledge what we feel and not rationalise too much and suppress our emotions.
For example: Our ME or our public persona might be very strong and we might have handled the news very well and might even look unaffected. We would've even managed to console others and make them feel better, but when we are in the MYSELF avatar or when we're alone, we might process things differently. But, until and unless we accept and acknowledge what we are feeling and address those emotions or thoughts, we cannot truly understand how our TRUE SELF is affected. Ensure to tell yourself that it's OK to feel whatever you're feeling and then make a note to clearly understand how it has affected you, which in turn shall help you manage yourself better.
One individual's challenge might be another's strength
I definitely don't mean to undermine or put down someone else, but the message I'm trying to put across here is a simple fact. What has affected another may not necessarily affect you too. Here's where I want you to rationalise and understand what actually made a person take this extreme step. Seek out information and figure out if you're facing the same challenges too. If you are, seek help and support from family, friends and a professional. If you're not, just allow yourself to grieve and count your blessings. In case you're not able to understand or get the required information as to why this happened, the best thing to do then would be to focus only on your feelings and deal with them rather than trying to stress yourself to find out why. Accept what's happened, acknowledge your feelings and focus on your well-being.
Help others to help yourself
This is one amazing strategy that I have practised and can vouch for without a doubt, which made me a better therapist too. This works on a similar model of teaching others to remember the subject better. When we offer to help others cope, irrespective of how we're affected by an incident, we tend to not only make them feel better but also learn a lot during the process. We might have an epiphany or realise the answer to something that we've been trying to solve for a long time. But that doesn't mean we support another individual with an expectation. I would like to stress the fact that our support has to be genuine and unconditional as it's only then that we reap benefits. One such amazing benefit is feeling better about ourselves, knowing that we made a difference in the life of another. Apart from that, if the person/people you helped out are grateful, you've made friends for life.
Apart from the above, remember these tips which are common yet important:
Don't be afraid to reach out for support
Practice self-care by taking time each day to do things that make you happy
Set boundaries and ensure that you give yourself enough ME TIME
And last but not the least, remember that you are not alone. Many people are struggling with their mental health, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Even I have tough times managing my mental health and if it's affecting me, you can imagine how common it is.
Let's all work together to be the rock to each others' lives to not just promote positive change, but to ensure that we don't make others go through the same harrowing experience that we have. That's how I started and that's how I shall be till the very end and hope it motivates you all to, too.
With lots of love,
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj
Your Coach
