The answer to violence: Why the topic of domestic abuse needs to be dealt with sensitively

Dear Readers,

Instances where children witness their mother being abused can lead to extremely disturbing belief systems like: women are worthless, relationships lead to doom and that social connections are unnecessary. So HOW DO WE HANDLE IT? I still have a lot to share, which I’ll definitely do in the future...but let’s cut to the chase and figure out what needs to be done!

My first advice is to parents: Dear parents, forgive my anger, but if you do not ensure that you SHIELD your young ones from the challenges of your relationship, you need to seriously revisit whether you deserve to be parents in the first place. Please understand that you’ll be SCARRING them for life and rendering them incapable of leading their lives, irrespective of whatever materialistic comforts you provide your child(ren).

My strong advice to abusees: SEEK HELP! Convince your abuser using whatever means necessary to seek the help of a  therapist or even couples therapy sessions. If you’re unsure of being able to achieve this, seek the help of family members, friends or anyone trustworthy. If it becomes too much, make arrangements to REMOVE YOURSELF from this environment and then utilise the LEGAL FRAMEWORK and LAW ENFORCEMENT. And finally, my advice to the SUPERHEROES (children trying to shield their younger siblings from this experience)

1. Do your best to DISTRACT your younger siblings during these events with whatever you can. It might be by putting on a video with headphones on high volume to drown the noise at home or taking them to a different room.

2. Get them out of the game with a game. Try to create a game and start playing that game when you sense a similar episode will occur. A simple game of hide and seek will work wonders when you make them go as far as possible from the fight but well withing the safe zone of your home.

3. Try your level best to EXTRACT them from the situation. Do it OPENLY, FIRMLY but POLITELY without angering your parents, request them with utmost GENUINENESS that you don’t want your siblings to get affected by what’s about to happen.

4. Do not make the ABUSER the ENEMY. This might sound stupid, but refrain and avoid painting a bad picture about your abusive parent. Instead, try to make your younger sibling talk to you about how they feel when this happens at home and tell them that it’s okay to feel this way but also reassure them that it’s just a passing phase and things will be okay.

It is moments like these that make me wish that I WAS SUPERMAN and could go and help everyone in distress, but since that’s not realistic, I’m focusing on requesting you all to become SUPERHEROES by doing your best to help people in abusive relationships and environments. 

With Regards,
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj
‘The Coach’