Published: 16th August 2020
The art of saying 'no': Why refusing to do certain things will prevent you from repenting it later
The Coach explains the dangers of taking advantage of people and why you must always teach yourself to say 'no' in difficult situations
As I was penning down this week’s column, the latest news about Sushant Singh Rajput’s death is getting murkier and the mystery is unravelling in a very confusing and horrific manner. But one aspect of his life has raised some serious concern. There has been an allegation that he was being exploited by his girlfriend and that she had taken large amounts of money from his account. The question then arises: Was Sushant manipulated and exploited? The courts will decide.
The most balanced and so-called MENTALLY STRONG individuals themselves have a tough time coping with life sometimes. Just imagine how much more challenging it becomes when we unknowingly start getting exploited or manipulated? The biggest damage is caused to ones like me who belong to the HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) category. In most cases, constant REPETITIVE EXPERIENCES is exactly what would have led them to become so.
A simple test: All of you who are reading this will surely get goosebumps when I ask you, “How many of you take a very long time to trust others?” If you take a long time to answer, it’s simply because you’ve been let down too many times. That’s exactly what my first appeal to all of you today! Always remember how it feels on the OTHER SIDE before taking UNDUE ADVANTAGE of a person or situation.
A simple equation: We need to have a clear thought process in our minds, we either UNCONDITIONALLY HELP people around us or SET BOUNDARIES CLEARLY. When we allow either one of these to get blurred, is when we end up getting hurt.
A simple NO: The biggest challenge for a majority of us is NOT SAYING NO! We are constantly worried about WHAT THE OTHER PERSON MIGHT FEEL rather than RATIONALLY analysing the situation, which ends up making us OVERPROMISE and later REPENT. In my case, I had been very liberal with money and had done everything possible from my end to help my friend set up a business. Since I was very attached to him, it made me get into a vicious cycle of STICKING MY NECK OUT for him. What happened? His business didn’t pick up, he had ZERO financial discipline and the responsibility ultimately fell on my head. It’s been almost 6 years and I’m still yet to receive my money. Irrespective of it being your lover or even your future fiancée, SET BOUNDARIES first and then learn to say NO! If I had done it, I would’ve been able to start a business of my own. And if Sushant Singh Rajput had done it, maybe people would’ve never even imagined exploiting him as it wouldn’t have been worth the effort. Though we’re still waiting for more details to emerge, all I really want to ask is, “Oh Sushant! What happened to thee?” Sadly, that is a question that ony Sushant will be able to answer and sadly that time has passed. The lesson, though, is one that all of us can learn from and take home with us.
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj