"Punishments!"
Phew! I broke into a sweat even while I was typing the word. Many tend to give an immediate physiological response, even I do. Imagine the effect it has had on my mind.
I can still recollect my school days when I was asked to squat for an entire period, while looping my arms behind my knees and holding my earlobes. And who can ever forget the painful red marks on different parts of the body? All thanks to the ruler's might and other objects that were wielded as effective instruments of punishment.
I envy today's kids and youth! Thanks to changing times and the rising sensitisation regarding the ill effects of corporal punishments, such instances are practically unheard of these days. When I share these experiences with kids, they look at me with disbelief, as if I must be making stories up.
So today's conversation is motivated by the Tamil Nadu School Education Department directing District Education Officers to constitute school-specific monitoring committees to prevent corporal punishment and is also planning to conduct awareness camps against corporal punishment based on the guidelines of the National Commission for Protection of Child Rights (NCPCR).
In this article, I will dwell on what disciplinary methods schools and educational institutions can incorporate to create a safer environment for students, whilst keeping in mind the students' well-being and teaching them how to seek constructive solutions to the problems encountered. I would like to begin by addressing the parents.
Parents are in quite a spot!
Parents play a major role in effectively administering methods to keep their wards disciplined, but today's parents are sometimes so confused and on the fence about what they should do.
Most parents face a dilemma when it comes to disciplining their kids mainly because sometimes, they cannot ascertain what is an aggressive method and what is dismissive. How to strike the balance is the million-dollar question here.
My first advice: Break the generational stereotypes!
Though this has been told a zillion times, most parents unknowingly and subconsciously "mimic" the same behaviour as their parents and expect the same outcome. This is one of the major reasons why parents get into a fix! We had it differently and today, everything has changed.
Kids are extremely aware and sensitive toward their surroundings.
How?
Well, the glaring reason is their exposure to a plethora of resources and knowledge that they gain through technology, which was not as advanced during our days. Also, a contributing factor is the evolution of the education system along with the immense change in the quality of education being offered today.
The best way to break the pattern is to recollect how you reacted or behaved when you were disciplined as a child and understand that your child might be feeling the same way you did. No matter how difficult it was for you, the same can hold true for your child as well.
A boundary is a boundary
Parents play a crucial role in reinforcing positive behaviour holistically. Striking the right balance is usually what is challenging to many, as I have mentioned above. The best way to handle this is to set clear boundaries.
When clear boundaries and expectations are set, it helps parents conquer the dilemma and they can avoid second-guessing their actions. Establishing clear rules and consequences also helps children understand what is expected of them and the consequences of their actions. The more serious the action, the more serious the consequence.
"This one time" syndrome
Most parents have trouble parenting or disciplining their kids because of the lack of consistency exhibited on their part and then, expecting the children to behave differently or consistently.
The reason why this hypocritical behaviour unknowingly seeps in is because of parents not enforcing the rules fairly and consistently and in most cases, letting their kids off the hook by telling themselves, "I'll let go this one time"!
I am not asking parents to resort to harsh or arbitrary punishments, but if this "one time" becomes recurrent then even the harshest punishment will not work. Hence, it is quite important to remember, "Consistency is the key to discipline."
Mirror, mirror on the wall...
One of the best parenting techniques that I can vouch for is effectively imbibing and encouraging "self-reflection" in your children. It's quite simple but has to be made a ritual, (remember the point above, consistency!), wherein, you need to encourage children to, first, become aware of their actions, second, reflect on their behaviour and finally, understand its consequences.
This has to be done at a young age, as early as possible before they develop a mechanism of thinking that all their actions are acceptable. This helps them develop a sense of accountability and responsibility and what is the alternative that can be considered. To make this more effective, reinforce moral, ethical, and social values with the right examples.
All right, do it... but do it right!
When I say reinforcement, I always mean positive reinforcement!
Positive reinforcement is an amazing method towards encouraging a positive outlook by simply acknowledging, praising, and rewarding good behaviour. Positive reinforcement not only encourages the desired behaviour but also strengthens the bond to such a level that it facilitates open relationships.
The next part that I am about to share can be applied to both institutions and households. So this is my message to both teachers and parents.
Say it out Loud!
Fostering an environment with open communication has numerous advantages, of which, the most important is that it aids in conflict resolution. Encouraging open dialogue between students and teachers will help students express their thoughts and feelings constructively and also bring issues lurking in the background to the forefront for the teachers.
The same, if imbibed at home, helps parents remian informed and aware of what's happening and if any issue needs to be escalated to the teachers or the management of the institution as well.
Step in other's shoes
The concept of restorative justice is not new. This approach emphasises repairing the harm caused by one's behaviour rather than simply punishing the offender.
Since it involves bringing together the victim and the wrongdoer to discuss the impact of the behaviour and find a resolution, it often not only makes the wrongdoer more sensitive to their action but also instills a sense of empathy through the exchange.
All for one and one for all!
To foster a positive environment at school, the key is to commit to creating a supportive, inclusive, and united climate. This makes the students feel safe, respected, and valued which, in most cases, has been shown to reduce the likelihood of disruptive behaviour.
On the other hand, once they get the taste of it, it helps them focus on strategising and stand with one another when they want to voice out an opinion or fight for a cause. This is a much-needed quality, especially if we want to help our country move forward in the right direction.
The root of it all
Understanding the root cause, especially in the case of children both at home and at school solves most problems. It is very important to understand the underlying cause instead of focusing solely on their behaviour, isolating them, reprimanding them, or publicly embarrassing them.
In the case of children, behaviours are often a reflection of their emotions, experiences, and unmet needs. If this is addressed, almost everything can be!
As a conclusion to today's conversation, I opine that the shift away from corporal punishment towards more positive and constructive disciplinary approaches is a welcome change in education.
We need to embrace methods that shall facilitate schools and parents to create a safer and more nurturing environment for children, one that promotes positive behaviour and teaches valuable life skills. It's time to move beyond the ruler and embrace discipline that truly benefits our children's well-being and future.
With lots of regards and hope that I too shall become an awesome parent,
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj
Your beloved Coach
