Soch with the Coach: We failed you! A letter from an aghast man to the deceased female doctor

Dear Departed,

While I haven't known you, but while writing this, I would think of you as my own. Hence, I would address you as 'dear'.

On August 14, 1947, the newly appointed Prime Minister of India, Jawaharlal Nehru, said, "At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom..."

August 14, 2024, at the stroke of midnight, the streets of your city, Kolkata, awoke to...

Loss of Life and Loss of Freedom

I wish I were writing to you under different circumstances, in a world where your life was not cut short by an act of unimaginable cruelty. 

Instead, I find myself addressing your soul, hoping that wherever you are, you have found the peace that was so brutally stolen from you. I wish there were words to ease the unimaginable pain you had to endure, that too forcefully.

But I know that no letter, no apology, and no expression of outrage can undo the horror, pain and suffering that was inflicted upon you because of the thriving rape culture. But as I sit down to write this, all I can feel is a profound sense of loss, anger, and sorrow — emotions that no letter can fully convey.

Yet, I write to you because your story, your life, and your suffering deserve to be acknowledged in a way that goes beyond the headlines, beyond the fleeting moments of public outrage and to ensure that I do my best, to make every human being understand that what happened to you was something that, no human should ever have to experience.

#WorkplaceSafety
 
You deserved so much more than the fate that befell you. You deserved to live a life full of joy, love, and the simple pleasures that so many of us take for granted. You were struggling hard to become a "saviour" and save lives, but instead, you lost your own.

Your life was brutally snatched from you, leaving behind a void that nothing can fill. And as we mourn your loss, we are forced to confront the harsh realities of the world we live in — a world that allowed this to happen to you. The future you should have had was taken away from you in an instant, and all we are left with is the hollow echo of what could have been. 

The first basic and fundamental step in which we have failed you is by allowing such blatant flaws to exist in a place where you were supposed to be safe!

There are numerous harassments being silently suffered in many workplaces and now, you have empowered those women with the strength to voice out, with the will to fight and brought together the entire medical fraternity to deliver the most impactful message of workplace safety.

#Complacency #Ignorance #RapeCulture

But it still feels empty, I begin to ponder...where was that outrage when it could have made a difference? Where were we when you needed us the most? Why does it feel like a déjà vu? 

As we all mourn the loss of your precious life, we also reflect on the failure of a society that allowed this to happen...not once, not twice but repeatedly silencing the cries! It is high time that each and everyone understands that you weren't just a victim of a heinous crime, my dear, you were a casualty of a society steeped in rape culture, where violence against women is normalised and often goes unchallenged.

Dear Departed, with a very heavy heart, I must confess something to you. 

We have allowed rape culture to thrive in our everyday lives, sometimes even without realising it. From the songs we sing to the movies we watch, we have woven misogyny into the fabric of our existence. A toxic narrative has blurred the lines between fantasy and reality, teaching young men that women are conquests, not equals.

Today you have made us realise that it’s not just in the movies, but even at our homes, our schools, colleges and our workplaces. I sincerely hope that we all wake up and never laugh at sexist jokes, never shrug off casual misogyny, and never ever stay silent when we should speak up. 

We had made it easy for predators to believe they have the right to violate women, we failed to challenge the deeply ingrained beliefs that see women as objects, and that failure, cost you your life.

But no more!

#VictimBlaming #VictimShaming

What hurts me the most, Dear Departed, is how pathetic people have become and how despite knowing what happened to you, I see people still questioning your choices.

“What was she wearing?”

“Why was she out so late?”

"Why was she alone?"

Will this justify the horror you endured? This narrative isn’t just wrong, it’s sickening.

It has been the most convenient way for society to avoid confronting the real issue. I'm not blaming elders or people of earlier generations but it deeply pains me to see how both men and women pass comments on someone's choice, and even go to the point of saying, "She wore stuff like that, no wonder she was raped!"

I know we are supposed to be "progressive" but it is very evident that we live in a world that would rather control women’s behaviour than hold men accountable.

It’s easier to tell women to stay home or cover up than to demand that men respect women’s autonomy, protect them and allow them their freedom in the truest sense. 

I don't know about others, but I have decided to take a pledge to follow zero tolerance towards any sort of activity, even of the most trivial or jovial nature, that demeans the female life form in any way and to take immediate action against it. 

I, with utmost genuineness, hope to inspire a million others to never be patriarchal, chauvinistic, misogynistic or judgemental. My mother brought me up well by imbibing chivalry, and protective instincts and taught me the importance of being a gentleman, the reason I share this with you is because, you have made many like me realise, that it's high time that we be proactive and take initiative rather than expect the law to take its course.

#MentalHealth #MentalAwareness

I am still doing my best to make people understand the importance of mental health, Dear Departed. Today it's high time we understand, that we failed you miserably because of the lack of awareness and knowledge about the same. It came to light that the person who assaulted you had already exhibited this violent sexual behaviour with three of his wives.

I wish to ask all the people involved in getting you the justice you deserve, like the politicians, judges, lawyers, police personnel and so on, whether they would have employed or allowed such a person near their family members. 

The trauma you would have carried had you survived, would have been a life sentence in itself. But how many people think about that? How many people recognise the mental scars that follow such a violent act? Society expects survivors to pick up the pieces and move on as if nothing happened. But the truth is, without proper mental health support, those pieces are impossible to reassemble.

Apart from focusing on creating a Sex Offender Registry we need to make mental health care a priority, not an afterthought. 

Survivors of sexual violence should have access to comprehensive psychological support, to ensure that they feel confident enough to voice out what has happened to them and ensure that they are never silenced in any way by anyone! We all have learnt this lesson and will do our best to ensure that your pain has been acknowledged, Dear Deaprted, and is not just another statistic!

We talk about prevention, but what are we doing to prevent this from happening again? It's high time we realise that the answer lies in education. 

It's high time, we teach the future generation about consent, respect, equality and the severity of punishments from a young age. Is this enough? No, we've realised, thanks to you, that even adults, be it parents, teachers, employers and even politicians need to unlearn toxic behaviours that they have been conditioned with before becoming worthy of guiding the next generation. 

This is how I choose to honour your memory, Dear Departed — by doing my best to make sure the cycle of violence ends with us. By fostering environments where healthy relationships and gender equality are the norms, not the exceptions, we can make sure that your death wasn’t in vain.

But Dear Departed, your story should be the last of its kind, but I fear it won’t be unless we change. 

Outrage alone isn’t enough. We need sustained action, uncomfortable conversations, and a commitment to dismantling the deep-seated misogyny that fuels these crimes. 

Though your voice has been silenced, your memory will continue to speak for you, and for all those who have been silenced by violence. 

We promise to carry your spirit forward, to fight with renewed determination to make sure that no other woman has to suffer as you did.

#NeverAgainEver

With a heart full of deep sorrow yet set on an unwavering change,
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj