Aruna Tanwar: kicking down obstacles

Aruna Tanwar:

I started learning Taekwondo during my school days. At that time, my routine was centred entirely around school and home since training sessions were held in school. But eventually, a point came when I said, "No papa, the training here isn't sufficient, shift me to Bhiwani." My father said okay. Since then, whenever he went to work, he would take me along and bring me back home at night.

Around that time, a few family members visited our home and said hurtful things to my mother. They said, "Why are you making her play the sport? First of all, her hands are like this. If you allow her to play this sport, what if she gets injured while playing and her hands will not recover? No one will accept her. Will she be able to do anything in life or not?"

I happened to overhear the conversation. I kept wondering, what am I doing that's so wrong that such kind of awful things will happen? Because I’m doing this for myself, I'm doing this for my family. Why would people say such things? It hurt so much that I told my parents,"Papa, this can’t go on like this, we have to do something."

I still remember, in our village, a few boxers had come back after winning medals, and I was just lying down and looking at the celebratory fireworks. I told to my mother, "Mummy, you see, one day, there will be fireworks for me too." My mother replied, "Beta, lying down and dreaming will not help. When you get up and work for it, only then it will happen."

Eventually, we moved to Bhiwani, where I continued my schooling. Not long after that, I shifted to Rohtak to pursue professional training. I feel truly blessed that my parents trusted me to do this.

I've always believed that when people say bitter words, instead of replying, one should act in a way that there would be no need for words.

On my birthday, I won a silver medal at my very first Asian Championship. And not long after, the same people came to our home, saying, "We also have children. Train our children too." And in my mind, I was thinking, weren’t these the same people who, just a few years ago, were saying what I will do and what I won't.

That’s why, when someone says bitter things, one must respond with love. If you become rude, no. Handle things with love. And things will be clearer for you. And, somewhere or the other, they will realise that "How I behaved with her and how she is behaving with me."

So, whatever I am today is also maybe because of those taunts. If I hadn’t taken those harsh words seriously, would I have become a two-time Olympian? In that sense, even taunts play a role in shaping who we become.

Aruna Tanwar:

Totally. When you're representing your country on a huge stage, people see you the same way that, "She is an Olympian". People have high expectations that, "Even if there is no one, at least she is there."

Everyone's fingers are pointing towards you. It’s incredibly difficult to handle it, "How will I manage so many people's pressure?"

During the game, you'll have to keep that pressure aside. If I take that seriously and I think, "I need to win, I need to win, I need to win...," then you won't be able to win. Somewhere or the other, I made that mistake in Tokyo. There was so much pressure from the entire Taekwondo community. Messages kept pouring in, “Ma'am, you’re our only hope”, and all that. I kept thinking, "What should I do now?"

I was only 21 then, but mentally, I wasn’t really 21. There are expectations, and it's normal. But one must manage oneself as well. We also know, what we are capable of and what we are not.

So, I honestly feel that people's expectations... somewhere or the other, they love you, they want to see you grow, that's why they expect from you. That, "If she does something, then our game will gain recognition. People will get to know about Taekwondo as well."

Because in India, if you ask someone what Taekwondo is, chances are they won’t know. We ourselves used to introduce it by saying, “It’s like Karate.” But now, slowly, people are starting to recognise it.

Aruna Tanwar:

In my view, whatever work you do, if you don't put in your heart, your mind, and your strength, then that work will not be completed. So, this coordination is essential to do anything. And somewhere, even today, society’s mindset towards girls remains the same.

Aruna Tanwar:

I’ve been playing Taekwondo since I was six or seven years old, I'm twenty-four now. When I used to fight with athletes from the general category, somewhere, the disadvantage I had was that my arms were short. When they would go for kicks, my block would sometimes fall short, and I used to feel this.

And I never saw myself as a Para athlete, but people made me feel, "You are a para athlete", right from my school days. Or even now, when I go out, people don’t know how to look at Para athletes.

I still remember when I had gone for SGFI Nationals, I was the only athlete representing Bhiwani district in the nationals, and that too with General category, as there was no Para category.

So there, after the fights concluded, I had lost against my opponent in the game, and I realised I lost because there was clear difference in leg length and that is beneficial. If hands are long that's also beneficial, you can stop the kicks from anywhere. So, due to my hands, no matter where I block it from, some part or the other will be exposed.

So, one person told me, "Leave the game." I asked why. They said no one will allow you to go further than the nationals. This really struck me. Around that time, Thapa Sir from Panipat, told me, "You try Para once". I did not know what that is, I said okay. I agreed. What is para? Then, after some time, I forgot about it and then played in the general category.

Later, a senior athlete, Parvinder Brar, they found out that Para state championship is happening in Ambala. He took me there. I got selected for Nationals from that event. And at the Nationals, I defeated a double Asian medalist, one-sided match.

Then I was like, "Wow, from now on, this is what I will pursue."

It made me realise, “Yes, we are not less than anyone." This we know. But there’s also a practical reality, we are different. We need to accept that. That if someone compares us, or if we compete with the general category, then those gaps will be exposed, and we will lose points. But when competing with Paras, both are equal. There is no bigger or smaller. Nodiscrimination. All are equal.

Aruna Tanwar:

If you pursue sports, if any girl is pursuing sports, then there are only benefits. You will get what you want, your fitness will become a plus point, and your mental health will also be better.

Thirdly, you will gain discipline. Because what life doesn’t teach you, sports does. In sports, you learn the kind of things that people usually learn at the age of 45 years.

Aruna Tanwar:

I believe this needs to happen in India, especially in schools. Many girls grow up thinking they’re not capable, that boys are naturally stronger. But if we start holding seminars and sessions on martial arts for girls, they will be able to learn something, because martial arts can teach you so much.

Nowadays, the kind of cases we are seeing, if nothing else, at least a girl will be able to defend herself. She will save herself from that.

We’re not saying that when boys and girls fight, one is stronger than the other. But who knows, there may be one per cent chance that at least if she knows something, she can protect herself, she will do something and escape, that could be enough to save her.

When you look at me now, it’s hard to imagine, but I wasn’t always like this. I wasn't like this at all. This change that has come over me is due to martial arts, specifically Taekwondo. In life, it taught me what to do and what not to do; Taekwondo teaches us this.

Let's look at our mothers, at home they are working all the time and that becomes their life. What do girls do? They go to college and come back. Those who are elders, what do they do? They go for work and return. People older than that, they say do this, do that. That's all. Those who are much older, their age allows them to just sit.

However, if we keep our bodies healthy, we go for training every day, which is our routine, discipline, and rules and regulations. Then, we can correct people at home as well. For example, we can tell our mothers you are doing this wrong. Maybe you should not do it like this but do it like that.

The house which has a sportsman, the atmosphere also becomes like that sportsman. Everyone thinks like that, they find out that things, the way they are going at home.

For example, the food we eat, whatever we cook, it has so much fat. We know what we need to eat. "This is good for us, if people eat at home, it will be good for them as well." Sports teaches us all this. It teaches one how to live life, take decisions and how to move forward in life. Personally, in the end, I think that we need to do everything ourselves. Our competition is also with ourselves. Don't think that he or she is my competition. When we win from ourselves, when we think, "I know what I can do and what I will do.”

Aruna Tanwar:

I really miss my childhood. You could do whatever you wanted, go and return wherever you liked, and no one questioned you. “What will people think?” there was no need to think.

Because we knew, no matter what happened, we had our parents. If something went wrong, I could just go tell my mother or father.

But as we grow up, that carefree feeling starts to fade. “If I do this, what will happen?” And especially as a Paralympian, if I give a statement or say something, then what will happen?

It is said, "Every step has to be taken cautiously." Now, the situation is similar. When you are on a very big stage, your one wrong statement can land you in the headlines.

But your childhood will never come back, so I would like to say this to everyone who is in their childhood and thinking about career, it is okay. But it is also very important to enjoy your childhood. I miss my college days a lot. All my close friends are still with me, my childhood teachers and friends are still with me, so in a way, my childhood is still with me.