Forgive me if I'm not the usual energetic self as I'm opening this week's conversation with the sad news of the recent death of Anna Sebastian Perayil who was an employee of Ernst & Young (EY). The cause of death isn't just exhaustion, but her family has very publicly shared that it was because of both overwhelming work stress and also a toxic work environment.
The saddest part was that nobody she worked with attended her funeral! Now that's unthinkable!
We’ve all been there, done that — trapped in the grind of a workplace that feels more like a gladiator arena than an office and we force ourselves to hustle thinking of the greater good which is a better life.
But, the pressure to perform, the passive-aggressive emails, and the endless hours that blur the lines between work and life don't set our alarm bells ringing until they’re indistinguishable and/or until the psychosomatic challenges, issues and illnesses start to present themselves.
I'm pretty sure that, "You're too stressed, you need to relax" is the most common instruction given to most professionals by their doctors and physicians! But what happens when you can’t quit? When the economy is on a rollercoaster and personal obligations make leaving work an option as impractical as trying to win the Grand Prix on a tricycle?
Well! That’s the reality faced by many, including the tragic case of 26-year-old Chartered Accountant (CA) Anna, whose life was cut short due to a cardiac arrest, a consequence of relentless work pressure.
While systemic change is crucial, I think it's even more crucial to tackle the question on everyone’s mind:
How do you navigate a toxic work culture without letting it poison your entire life?
Well, Here’s your sassy survival guide with my best tips and gyaan that I've amassed over the years, both from clinical and corporate experiences.
AAA/3As - Adopt the Always Assertive mindset
The fundamental mistake I have observed in most clients is the tendency to either become completely submissive and suffer in silence or go head-on aggressive and then suffer the consequences which is usually unfavourable.
Though it's easier said than done, once you make this a part of your psyche, it works wonders... which is to always be assertive.
Remember, to assert is to confidently express your needs and boundaries. Ensure that you use assertive statements to not just express feelings and thoughts but also to set specific, achievable expectations.
Example: "I feel disrespected when interrupted. Going forward, I'd like to ensure I have uninterrupted time to share my thoughts and would greatly appreciate it if you could listen."
BBB/3Bs - Be the Boundary Boss: The Art of Saying “No” Without Saying “No”
I've publicly accepted this as one of the biggest mistakes of my life and have been shamelessly vocal about it in my interviews too. I just couldn't say "NO". Where did this people-pleasing attitude stem from? That's a whole different story, but saying “no” is hard! It's almost impossible, especially in toxic environments where every task is framed as a crisis.
But here’s the trick: You don’t have to say “no” outright. Instead, become a master of the strategic “yes”. Agree to take on that extra project but with a caveat: “Sure, I can get that done by next week. But I’ll need to deprioritise XYZ.”
It’s not refusal; it’s negotiation.
And you’re not just pushing back — you’re showcasing your ability to manage time and priorities like a pro.
This is the best way that's worked for me, but maximising the effectiveness of this approach is in your hands.
Pro Tip: I'm not asking you to lie, but ensure that you mention something that's much more crucial as something that you need to forego/deprioritise and if possible keep some form of proof ready.
For example: "Of course, I'll do this extra leg work, but I'm just wondering how to cancel the appointment with the client who is one of our top three" and so on.
CCC/3Cs - Clear, Confident Communication
The importance of communication has been spoken about a gazillion times and I don't want to touch upon that, but what I do want to touch upon is the importance of polite, clear and confident communication without worrying about the consequences, especially when you need to express something important to prevent a burnout.
Forget burnout, even the smallest of factors that are ignored is usually what snowballs into a big issue and hence, ensure that you do not stop yourself from voicing your opinion, concern or issue. Consequences are important but not at the cost of your health.
Remember, you matter the most!
The opposite also works... Silence! But you need to choose your battles.
I know this sounds exactly the opposite of what I've suggested above but let me explain...
Silence is the best weapon, in a few cases and you need to be able to pick when to use it.
The reason I say this is simply because not every battle is worth fighting in a toxic environment. Knowing when to speak up and when to let things slide is an advanced skill and we need to develop that.
One of the best examples I can share is when your colleague is talking over you in a meeting. And you've done your best to put your message across, but to no avail. Instead of reacting or losing your cool, going forward, detach and ignore. Take a deep breath and chill!
Then see if you can assertively draw a boundary or express that you'd like to put across a point and will wait for them to lend an ear. Not only will the one who's not allowing you not to speak would be embarrassed but it will also make others respond to you because of the flair that you just exhibited.
Remember — It’s not about being passive; it’s about conserving your energy for the fights that matter and using it where it will really make a difference in your life.
DDD/3Ds - Dissociate and Detach with Decorum
We need to really understand this fact: Toxic workplaces thrive on emotional reactions, especially knee-jerk ones.
The more people around you get under your skin, the more control you are letting them have. The more you let others get on your nerves, the more you're becoming a puppet in their hands, in most cases... unknowingly!
The best thing to do? Armour up!
Create and cultivate a mindset where work is just work — a means to an end, not a compulsion or a life sentence.
Picture your managers or bosses as a character in a TV show rather than a person whose whims can dictate your day. The more you can detach emotionally, the more clarity you’ll have when it comes to handling chaos with composure. It'll be a walk in the park if you follow the habit of setting boundaries diligently.
Another DDD/3Ds is to Diligently Document everything Like a Detective.
One of the most underrated and ignored facts is that a toxic environment is usually the result of unpredictable power plays, sudden blame games or false rumours being spread.
The best way to avoid a big chunk of stress bogging you down is to be disciplined in documenting everything.
Save emails, take notes during calls, and keep a record of your deliverables and achievements. If you feel that a conversation is going to levels that will create chaos, record it!
Not only does this cover you in case of sudden accusations, but it also provides you with a sense of control over your narrative. You’re not just a victim of circumstance — you’re building a case file that might someday serve as your greatest weapon if a need ever arises... It's okay as it's always better to be safe than sorry.
Plan A might not always work, ensure that you Have a Plan B (and C)
You may not be able to quit now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t plan your exit.
Update your CV, keep an eye on the job market, and start networking discreetly. Knowing you have a backup plan, even a long-term one, can be the psychological boost you need to endure in the short term.
It’s not about abandoning the ship; it’s about steering it toward safer waters.
You'll also be able to achieve more clarity in what you want and one of the biggest outcomes is the realisation that money isn't everything!
You might now be open to making a little less as long as your mental balance isn't affected.
One of the best ways to have a Plan B and C is to focus on upskilling!
Whatever free time or downtime that you get, leverage it to upskill yourself.
Online courses, certifications, webinars — there are plenty of resources that can make you more marketable and, more importantly, remind you that you’re more than this job.
Learning is not just an escape; it’s empowerment.
Even if you can’t leave today, you’re building the bridge that’ll carry you to something better tomorrow. You'll get an opportunity for another superb enlightenment kind of experience here, which is to maybe discover what you're truly interested in and shift gears to the right career path.
As I sign off today, I appeal to each and everyone here to help break the belief that "therapy is for the weak". It’s not like that! It’s actually for the aware, smart, strategic, and for those who can understand that sometimes, you need a professional to help untangle the mess of emotions, which a toxic job can create.
So, all I suggest is to ensure that you get help or share your ordeal with someone who can understand you.
I want you to remember that self-care is not selfish! It has to be non-negotiable.
Do whatever makes you de-stress, Whether it’s hitting the gym, meditating, cooking, or just binge-watching your favourite show — schedule these sanity breaks like you would a meeting, give this more importance as we usually have it the other way around!
You’re no good to anyone, least of all yourself, if you’re running empty... Even if you feel it's selfish it's okay, but if you don't take care of yourself... You will end up losing your whole personality or, if I have to put it more crudely, you'll lose your "self".
With Regards,
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj
Your detox to everything toxic
