I start this week's conversation on a very emotional note as I am able to empathise with the students of AIIMS over losing a fellow buddy. Not only did I lose several friends during the COVID pandemic (which honestly makes me understand how blessed I am, to be alive) but also lost two of my most treasured friends, rightly called as 'Man's Best Friends'... Raju and Teddy! It took me quite some time to RE-PACE and pull myself together in both instances and be it a dog or a human, loss of life is a LOSS OF LIFE, Period!
The end (of our lives) is one aspect of life that often isn't in our control and most often, arrives when we least expect it. To be READY is something that's irrational and irrelevant as TREASURING every PRECIOUS moment with each other is what matters rather than thinking when it'll all come to an end.
#TrueStory and The First Step
I've seen many who give into their PARANOIA and focus on being READY and PREPARED to CHEAT DEATH. That too doesn't happen, let me share something that just happened yesterday.
One of our neighbours, who was a wonderful and cheerful soul, felt a little exhausted and went to the hospital to get a check-up. Everything was fine, anjiogram, ECG and so on and, as she was about to be discharged from the ECU, she suffered a MASSIVE HEART ATTACK and her funeral was today.
The most important first step, which is KNOWN WELL but often forgotten, is to remember that DESTINY/FATE has the FINAL SAY. Hence, ACCEPTING what has happened is the first step. I'm not referring to JUST accepting the fact, that a person is no more... I'm also trying to emphasise the importance of putting in efforts to AVOID feelings of guilt or rather go into a spiralling, never ending pattern of grief while thinking about what could have been done differently. We have to understand that there's no point to it now and FOCUS on mourning the loss by REMEMBERING the BEST MEMORIES.
CHERISHING isn't wrong at all... OBSESSING IS!
Being attached to people we love is NORMAL, there are definitely instances of EXTREME BONDING that I've seen which has led to people becoming OBSESSED with the process of finding a way to REMEMBER the departed every day in every way. That isn't something that is healthy and IF it feels NORMAL to do so, it's a result of an UNDERLYING PSYCHOLOGICAL issue that needs to be addressed. If you're a BELIEVER, some even say that by doing the above... We aren't allowing the SOUL of the departed to REST IN PEACE. We wouldn't want that, would we?
JUST DO IT!
No! I'm not trying to copy the tagline of a famous brand, I'm referring to the process of JUST DOING all those things that you had planned with your friend and couldn't do. Going on a long drive, for example. Do it, remember the good times, dedicate that journey and honour the one who isn't with us mortally anymore. The kind of solace that it gives isn't something that can be expressed in words.
#ProTip
Yes! It's truly depressing to lose a life, lose a soul and sometimes a part of our lives gets lost in the process too. But the best way to cope, along with the above tips that I've followed personally in my life, is to remember that they're PHYSICALLY ABSENT but SPIRITUALLY PRESENT with us. They're for sure looking out for us from above and are definitely in a better place. Until we reach the other side, let's make the ones we love MISS US as ABSENCE only makes the heart grow FONDER.
With lots of love and a big comforting hug to all those who have lost a loved one,
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj
"Your Coach"
