Published: 13th September 2020
The Coach speaks: How to handle a proposition from your queer friends?
The Coach speaks about the need to accept homosexuality and move on from the taboo that society has quietly built around it. And how do we do it? Let The Coach guide you through it all
A reader asked me: “Another boy my age and I were friends for the past five years. Earlier, I suspected that he was attracted to the same sex but didn’t think too much about it. Later, he changed and he asked for the right to touch my private regions. I ignored it, then he revealed that he was having the feeling I suspected. He says that he loves me. I can’t even imagine these things. But he is a man of loyalty. I feel concerned about his future as he is my best friend. Please suggest a way to get out of this hell.”
Being gay is being human! One important point we all need to acknowledge is that homosexuals develop this tendency NATURALLY and are NO DIFFERENT from any of us. They are as human as the straight folks, maybe sometimes even more so due to their HIGH EMPATHY levels. Even science cannot explain how, but it is proven that IT’S IN THE GENES. We need to ACCEPT, SUPPORT, NURTURE and NORMALISE this TABOO that society has created.
Once we understand how tough it is to develop feelings and still be afraid of expressing it, we tend to be COMPASSIONATE. What next? Just because I’m advocating empathy doesn’t mean I’m asking you to keep mum! This situation definitely needs to be addressed, in such a way that neither one gets hurt, nor is uncomfortable with each other. Here are some steps you can take.
Communicate assertively and openly: If a friend confesses to you, the first thing you need to do is remain calm and not react. Be open, allow them to VENT out all their feelings and make them get the load off their chest.
Set boundaries: Once you’ve listened to your friend, it is now time for them to do the same. You need to now choose whether your friendship/relationship is important and precious. If it is, you need to SET BOUNDARIES and communicate all those behaviours that make you UNCOMFORTABLE.
Do not become a media channel: Whether you choose to move ahead by setting boundaries or not... Do not try to PUBLICISE or spread the news like wildfire! We still haven’t evolved as a society to accept everyone equally. Let them choose when and how! It takes TREMENDOUS TRUST for someone to confide in you, whether they love you or not. Do not break their trust and break their hearts.
Remember that most gay individuals, both men and women have an innate instinct which ensure that they only approach others who are homosexual too. It’s like that they have fallen for you unnaturally because of your goodness. Try your best not to shatter that image. Till then, set boundaries and manage expectations to ensure that mutual comfort is the foundation of the relationship. Let’s all do our best to be happy and gay forever.