Bhaiyya, typed Rahul on their WhatsApp group eCanteenFundas. ‘My friend wants me to help her with her project but I can’t because I haven’t prepared for my exams yet. Am I being selfish? Should I put my exams aside and help her?’
‘Good question,’ typed Rinku. ‘Should we be selfless heroes or selfish villains?’
‘Neither,’ typed Rakesh. ‘You practice self-care. You must nurture and take care of yourself first and foremost — physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Don’t hurt yourself thinking you have to be ‘selfless’ and try to help others when you’re struggling yourself. How can you help others when you need help? So, first study for your exams, Rahul. You are your primary responsibility.’
‘Thanks, bhaiyya,’ typed Rinku. ‘That’s a relief. But how do we know the difference between self-care and being selfish?’
‘Self-care is about healthy boundaries,’ typed Rakesh. ‘When you’ve taken care of yourself and are healthy and secure, you can help your friend better because you’ve prepared well and are in good space to give. You circulate good energy and both benefit. Whereas, being selfish is an insecure behaviour like taking more than you need and at others cost. This is unhealthy because you’re always comparing yourself with others, feel like you don’t have enough and are driven by a malicious intent to deprive others for your gain. You stop the flow of energy which stops you from giving yourself too. Self-care makes you feel good and supported and benefits everybody involved. Selfish behaviour leaves you feeling isolated, excluded and helps no one.’
‘And what about selflessness, bhaiyya?’ typed Rahul. ‘Everyone says we should be selfless.’
‘Most of us try to act ‘selfless’ to appear good in other people’s eyes,’ typed Rakesh. ‘But any truly selfless act is wholehearted and instinctive with no consideration in your mind as to cost or benefit. When we practice self-care well, we learn how to care for ourselves and for others, and then, selflessness comes naturally. Don’t ‘try’ to be ‘selfless’ without practising self-care first because you’ll only hurt yourself and others involved. It helps no one.’
‘Okay, bhaiyya,’ typed Rahul. ‘So we practice self-care and nurture ourselves first. And when we are strong enough, we help others, so it benefits all. Whereas being selfish is just being greedy at others cost and helps no one, including us.’
‘And we don’t have to fake being ‘selfless’,’ typed Rinku. ‘Selfless acts are wholehearted and a result of being in a good energy space which results from good self-care.’
Pro-Tip
Your first responsibility is towards yourself. Practice self-care, nurture yourself and get to a stage where you can really help others wholeheartedly.
