Published: 12th December 2020
The art of true connections: How to build long lasting friendships
Why do we need to be kinder to strangers and people we don’t know well enough? The Coach explains how it can help build lasting friendships
Even to this day, I remember a gentleman named Mr Ramachandra whom I had met on my very first train ride. I was too damn worried about where to go and pee! I had presumed that we had to run out of the train at each station and run back before the train left. I was so hyped that I hadn’t given my parents a chance to tell me that there was a toilet IN THE TRAIN. I finally went with my father, relieved myself and was so excited when I returned that I was telling my mother about the experience. This gentleman was so fascinated by my excitement that he spent almost HIS WHOLE JOURNEY explaining every aspect of a train.
I couldn’t help remembering this special incident when I heard about Cameron Green, a debutant Australian cricketer who expressed his gratitude towards Indian cricketer KL Rahul for checking on him and asking if he was nervous. Simple gestures go a long way, don’t they? Let me share some of my own life’s experiences which can help you understand how deep and impactful they are in building relationships.
A simple gesture and its complex results: The biggest challenge we are all facing is that, knowingly or unknowingly we’ve been sucked into this highly materialistic world. We tend to think that we can only woo a person by giving them COSTLY GIFTS. Well! I don’t say that those kind of people don’t exist, but they will never remain with you for life. It’s not a RELATIONSHIP that you’re initiating but rather a BUSINESS TRANSACTION. Once the MATERIALISTIC COMPONENT goes missing, the relationship tends to be NON EXISTENT.
On the other hand, forget about doing something that requires you to go OUT OF YOUR WAY, I smile with utmost genuineness every day to the security guards, street sweepers and roadside vendors, and might have spent a couple of minutes talking to them. Almost all of them have come to me and shared that they feel EMPOWERED. I illustrate this incident in detail as I achieved the following:
1. I was not only able to make them comfortable but also make them feel relaxed and distract them from their worries temporarily.
2. I can see that their self-confidence has improved to a different level altogether.
3. I’m very popular and always have someone or the other to help out.
4. They feeling secure because of the interaction and morale boosts.
Out of the so-called friends whom I hang around with once in a while, most of them are either gossiping behind my back or waiting to point out my mistakes. See the difference? On one hand, a negligible amount of time spent with simple gestures is leading me to build stronger relationships than the ones I actually expend a lot of time, energy and money to please! Life’s funny, ain’t it?
One of the reasons we smile is to make people around us comfortable. We seldom realise that it is also to make ourselves feel CONNECTED to others around us. Not just that, I’ve personally seen how it BREAKS THE ICE and forms NEW RELATIONSHIPS in a jiffy! It might be the person who walks on your road every day, the person who parks near your car in office, the security guard, the lift man, etc. The more the merrier, isn’t it?
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj