Slow Clap: How to get gold from milk the desi way

A Nobel is due. And it's time the world sits up and takes notice of us Indians for what we are — geniuses. After Abhijit Banerjee who betrayed his motherland to go off to the west and marry a foreigner for Nobel reasons, our own Bengal Tiger has shown what we are actually made off. Gau shakti.

West Bengal BJP Chief Dilip Ghosh has shown the world that we are done hiding and we are going to unleash the full strength of our traditional sciences on the West. One cow at a time.

When he revealed to the world that mother cow is the key to the world's wealth in her hump. "There is vein on her hump," Dilip aka Dilu Da, which means a man with a big heart, said. "It is called the swarna nali that gets activated when sun rays shine on it. And this is not found on cows out side India. Notice how Indian cows have a hunch while foreigner cows have plain backs," he explained. Why do you think we worshipped cows for so long? 

But now that we have our secret out I might as well tell you the whole story. Like Dilu Da told you, Indian cows milk is yellow because of the gold in it produced by the golden vein of the holy cow. But how to extract it? Here goes. 

Collect some fresh and desi cow milk in a laboratory flask and some gaumutra in a beaker. Heat the beaker half filled with gaumutra and as it starts to heat up put the flask in. The beaker will act as a water bath. Pass the vapors through a tube which is cooled with a continuous supply of super chilled gaumutra. As it condenses you can collect your pure liquid gold in another beaker. Economy problems solved courtesy high school chemistry.

And to those who are making fun of Dilu Da and thinking that you will steal the golden vein — the moment you take a holy cow out of a true Hindustani's hands the gold becomes blood. You will never find it.

PS: From now on, young children will modify the popular rhyme from How Now Brown Cow

(The author is an ardent fan of science — Hindu science of course — and is trying to collaborate with Dilu Da and his superiors to patent the golden vein of cows. This will soon solve the alleged economic trouble and make India a five zitrillion dollar economy. Trump will come to India for Vanakkam Donald then)