Are you assertive or aggressive? If a recruiter or an employer asked you this question, what would be your response? Your response would depend on the connotation you think the words ‘assertive’ and ‘aggressive’ have. The term ‘assertive behaviour’ has a positive connotation whereas ‘aggressive behaviour’ has a negative connotation.
Those who are assertive have the ability to express their feelings, attitudes and views honestly, confidently and boldly. While doing so, they consider and respect the feelings and views of others. People who are aggressive do not consider and respect the feelings and views of others.
Those who have learnt the art of saying ‘No’ show their assertive behaviour while communicating with their employers and colleagues. Assume that a person holding a position asks a subordinate to complete a task. If the subordinate is submissive, though they are busy with some other work, they wouldn’t say ‘no’ to the boss. On the other hand, if the subordinate is aggressive, they would use a rude tone. If the subordinate is assertive, they would explain their situation in a polite way and convince them. Look at the examples:
A: I have some work for you. I want the task to be completed by noon.
B: Yes, sir. I’ll complete it.
A: I have some work for you. I want the task to be completed by noon.
C: Am I the only one who can do the work? Can’t you find someone else?
A: I’m going to give you some work. I want the task to be completed by noon.
D: Sounds okay. Thanks for thinking of me. Right now I’m busy with some other work. I don’t think I will be able to complete it today. Can I give you the report tomorrow?
In the examples above, you can see the difference in the tone of the three characters: A, B and C. A is aggressive, B is submissive, C is aggressive and D is assertive. Here the clear winner is D because this person can buy themselves a little time or convince the boss to give the work to someone else.
It is important to be assertive at the workplace. Here are some useful words and phrases:
Thanks, but I think I need some more time.
It is a good idea. I’ll think about it and get back to you.
It is my policy not to attend any meeting on Sundays.
A good suggestion. Let me ask others what they think about it.
I’m afraid I have to disagree with you. I view the picture differently.
Here are ten tips for
being assertive
1) Be polite always.
2) Use positive language.
3) Demonstrate clarity of thought.
4) Be an active listener.
5) State your point of view clearly.
6) Maintain good eye contact.
7) Don’t raise your voice while speaking to anyone.
8) Use appropriate body language.
9) Let your facts speak.
10) Don’t make any judgmental remark.
