Published: 19th August 2019
Slow Clap: JNU is yesterday. Like Hans Raj Hans, we want it to be called MNU too. Here's why
BJP MP Hans Raj Hans' idea is absolutely brilliant and JNU must be called Modi Narendra University. We'll tell you all the reasons behind it
The statue of Jawaharlal Nehru stands tall. He wears a long khadi Kurta, a pyjama and a khaki cap that perfectly masks the bald spot. He carries a book, which may probably have a list of all the tricks and tips needed to destroy Indian culture and India's unity. His face has a smirk and the look in his eyes clearly says that he's giving a mental high five to all the anti-nationals groomed in a university wrongfully named after him.
The only right thing that one could possibly think after looking at this scene is, "Urgh! What a waste of space." I'm sure that the left-liberal anti-nationals would also have thought the same. After all, they're against the statue culture! So, without wasting any time, the statue must be taken down. All that we require are a few axes and a couple of the right kind of leaders, preferably Pragya Thakur. An auspicious date will be December 6.
What do we do with that empty space then? We have the perfect solution. Build a 1.7 metre-tall statue of Prime Minister Narendra Modiji there. Pay extra attention to make sure that the chest is 56" wide and that he wears a stylish Modi vest. What a sight! Radars must be installed on the statue's eyes to observe anti-national elements and there has to be a printing machine right next to it to issue a cattle class ticket in Air India Express to Islamabad immediately to them. They can alternatively be sent to the moon, but ISRO tells us it's far too expensive, so we may have to write to Elon Musk.
Now, coming to the point. Enough is enough. Jawaharlal Nehru University must be renamed. JNU is passé. MNU is trendy. Music makes the world a better place and lets you think straight. Case in point, Hans Raj Hans. He got it so right. Since 2014, our dear PM's been on a mission to correct the many mistakes of Nehru. Just like how the elder wand found its rightful owner, the Modi vest has found its way back to Modi.
The same applies to JNU. In simple terms, just like how the Pride Lands belong to Simba and not Scar, JNU (read MNU) belongs to Modi, not Nehru. Also, did you notice the genius wordplay here? In the Vedic script in which MNU will be written, there is an invisible 'A' between M and N, making it Manu. Yes, the same Manu from Manusmriti.
In conclusion, we would want to say that only Harry Potter could have destroyed the Dark Lord. Similarly, only Modi can unseat Nehru and therefore, we will be eagerly waiting to send our children to MNU. We can only hope that Rajiv Malhotra becomes the VC then.
(The views expressed here are the author's own. She may or may not have been allowed to vote because her claims of being an Indian citizen have always been suspect and she has always harboured a deep-seated resentment that JNU never got back to her with regard to her application to do an MA in Harry Potter Studies)