‘Rahul,’ said Rinku. ‘When our lecturer asked in class today if we had any doubts, nobody had any. Everyone acted like they understood everything.’
‘Yes,’ said Rahul. ‘I had a couple of doubts too, but didn’t ask.’
‘I had too,’ said Rinku. ‘I wonder why we don’t ask and clear our doubt.’
‘I can tell you why,’ said Rakesh, their senior, joining them at their table. ‘Do you want to know?’
‘Yes Rakesh bhaiyya,’ said Rahul and Rinku.
‘You don’t ask because you feel insecure,’ he said. ‘We miss out on a lot of learning - and consequently our growth - because of our insecure behavior.’
‘Insecure? Who’s insecure? Not me,’ said Rahul.
‘Relax,’ laughed Rakesh. ‘Most of us are insecure. And a classic sign of insecurity is to become defensive like you did just now.’
‘But what are we feeling insecure about?’ asked Rahul.
‘Of being found out,’ said Rakesh. ‘Most of us feel we should know a lot more than we actually do. So we try to hide the fact that we don’t. That’s why you keep quiet in class. And guess what, a lot of your creative energy goes into this hiding business.’
‘Sounds pretty stupid,’ said Rinku. ‘Hiding what we don’t have.’
‘The more you try to hide, the more insecure you will be,’ said Rakesh. ‘When do you feel most insecure Rahul?’
‘I feel very insecure when our class toppers or lecturers are around me,’ said Rahul. ‘How can I change that?’
‘By being secure,’ laughed Rakesh.
‘How?’ asked Rinku.
‘Simple, since you are insecure about something you are trying to hide, stop hiding it,’ said Rakesh. ‘Be honest and open with yourself. You know this, you don’t know that. Once you are secure in your reality, nothing can make you insecure. Even a room full of wise people! You can simply say, wow, you guys are so smart and I know nothing. You become the most secure person in the room.’
‘That’s it? Sounds simple,’ asked Rinku. ‘But what will they think?’
‘Others will know the truth about you how much ever you try to hide,’ said Rakesh. ‘It’s like a broke guy trying to act rich and spending money he does not have.’
‘In other words,’ said Rahul. ‘I don’t need to pretend. I am ok as I am. Right bhaiyya?’
‘Yes,’ said Rakesh. ‘But tell me this. How does being secure help you?’
‘Hmm, I feel more confident,’ said Rinku. ‘More authentic. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Many possibilities open up for me because I am more aware - including learning.’
‘I feel free,’ said Rahul. ‘There’s no pressure to be something I’m not. I feel equal. I feel I can handle anything with what I am. Ok world, I’m ready, bring it on. For starters, Chotu, please bring us your best chai and samosas.’
Rakesh smiled. ‘Yes. You’ll also enjoy the journey much more and get better results this way. Good luck.’
Pro tip: To be secure, accept yourself exactly as you are, warts and all. That’s the key to your growth.
