Published: 28th February 2017
The art of solving problems like a pro
Only when we accept ourselves is when we can dream of others accepting us. But to reach this phase is not easy.
This query keeps popping up everywhere which made me pick it. The intention here is not to BLOW MY OWN TRUMPET but to lift spirits by sharing my life’s journey. It is often said not to judge a book by its cover. OUR PACKAGING is the complete opposite of the PRODUCT that exists inside. Robin Williams once said “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that!” He was one of the greatest comedians and yet was highly depressed. What an IRONY, isn’t it? People ask me whether the happiest ones are the saddest inside.
The answer is YES! Some may accept, some may not. But I am just being honest as this made me ACCEPT MYSELF. Only when we accept ourselves is when we can dream of others accepting us. But to reach this phase is not easy. Why? Because the hardships we endure makes us MORE HUMAN. The general tendency, when one goes through my profile is to laud me and think I MADE it.
The truth is, I was a failure in math and other similar subjects which cost me two years in the +2 and two more years in my undergraduation. This weakened me.
Not able to keep up to the reputation of the legendary family I come from, my own relatives spread gossip about me. I had no SOCIAL LIFE as I wasn’t confi dent about my looks. I never went out as people would mock me. A slew of health issues topped it all. I remained curious as to how I managed to GEL WELL with elders but wasn’t able to do the same with my peers. At an age when I had just fi nished school, my FRIENDS were discussing marital problems with me.
They would said that they felt comfortable discussing their issues with me. This made me feel VALUED. Bringing a smile on a person’s face became my NEW DRUG. This got me so engrossed that I decided to learn hypnotherapy as it’s a tool to help people with almost any psychological challenge and helps work on the ROOT CAUSES. I was so good that by the time I cleared BBM, I had a clinical practice. Was life great then? No!
The first relationship wherein I fell in love ended badly, embarrassing my family and letting them down further. It didn’t break my heart that she left my life, but shattered me to see my family being humiliated. This made me go back to square one. I stopped clinical practice and took up MBA.
I was one of the most popular chaps as I was always proactive. I was also parallelly working as a training consultant as I wasn’t practicing anymore. Won an award and created some milestones. By the time I fi nished MBA in 2013, I had work experience of about three years.
But I couldn’t fi nd a job. The feedback was that I was OVERQUALIFIED. After some time, my father retired and I was pressurising myself to become fi nancially stable. My mother is a doctor, so there’s food on the table but what am I doing in spite of all this achievements and potential? You realise that you’re job as a THERAPIST is also like that of a teacher’s THANKLESS.
That’s where being UNCONDITIONAL helps. You don’t expect so it doesn’t hurt. Somewhere during the course of time, I got used to this process of FALL, RISE UP, REPEAT and realised that it was making me stronger. I started missing the feeling of COMPLETENESS which I used to get when I was helping bring a smile on someone’s face.
This made me spiritual and more mature for my age. Why am I saying all this, how is it related to solving queries? Simple, like I quoted Robin Williams earlier, you’ll develop the highest level of EMPATHY when you experience constant challenges.
This is the most important skill of a therapist, the other qualifi cations and experience are tools but not the ESSENCE.
My Final Word,
Even though what I’ve shared here is just a tip of the iceberg, people ask me how I still manage to be ME. Here’s my answer. “Every HERO endures challenges, Those challenges are his story, which becomes a part of HISTORY, I’m writing mine now...
Adarsh Benakappa Basavaraj