Published: 10th November 2020
Slow Clap: If Bali institute can take coconuts as fees, Indian institutions could consider accepting onions
A Bali college is accepting coconuts as fees. Why should India fall behind? We have the golden currency — onions
Rising onion prices might have a silver lining. Priced at Rs 94 to Rs 135 per kg, this golden vegetable can now be used as currency. Hit by the pandemic and with protests everywhere against the fees being charged by colleges despite classes being held online, people are open about the fact that they don;t have enough cash to pay tuition fees.
A college in Bali, a staple destination for Indian honeymooners, has asked its students to pay their fees in coconuts. Indian institutions could soon follow suit. Instead of coconuts, we can ask students to pay their fees in onions. A majority of the households have onions — no matter what Nirmala Tai eats or believes.
The only issue is this will deny educational access to non-onion eaters like Jains and the BCom seats in colleges might end up empty. But we can't have that so we can come up with other alternatives for them to pay their fees — milk, paneer or drumsticks.
Onion is a good stock to invest in with projections showing that the prices might not come down till January. Potato is also a great currency which has been gaining ground. But what can work universally and probably will have a much more definitive multiplier effect, that the accomplished American Indian Nobel Laureates keep talking about, is cow dung.
It's readily available. It's eco-friendly. No one dies. Helps the Clean India Misson and moreover, if promoted enough, it can help conserve livestock. The students will learn to love animals and as Swami Vivekananda (Vivekamununun to Trump supporters) had once said, "If you care for an animal, you are serving God." So you now get to serve God along with the doses of western education that you absorb.
Not only will it save the lives of the innocent animals but also of those who trade in them. After all, Indians have been aspiring to give the country a clean and trim makeover as it gears up to be the world leader again. This program helps. If cow dung is accepted as fees and gradually made into a currency, people will stop letting the animals waste it on the roads. Kunal Kamra wouldn't have to ask when they will clean up the goo outside his house — if a cow has done the deed it will be swiped up in no time.
In case you're wondering what the colleges can do with it, cow dung cakes can help the colleges and schools turn eco-friendly. They can sell them on Amazon, OLX or Flipkart. They can use it for their energy needs. They can even use it for research and produce beauty creams out of it (if you did not know, it helps with pimples and dark circles).
(The author loves onions but have not been able to buy some for his beef curry recently. He wanted Trump to win because he has never been entertained by any other American President as much. Bill Clinton's controversy made him jealous of the man's luck and Obama made him feel insecure with all his Nobel Prizes and healthcare. We do not agree with what he has to say. We advise you not to as well.)
Opinions expressed here are the author's own